story of yesterdae..

i totallie forget to post an entry abt yesterdae..
maybe bcoz yesterdae was such a hectic dae fer me...
real tiring...
first ting in the morning...

4:30am- woke up.. bath... dressed up to go werk which started at 7am... its in KKH... so i had to wake up dat early uh....
7:00am- 12:00am- non-stop werk as the enrolled nurse in dat ward had to deploy to other ward... urghhh!! real hard time...
1:00pm-3:00pm- real slack.. after our break we juz tok to patients...
3.10pm: took the shuttle bus to BUGIS.... to meet my adorable syahida... walk ard bugis... bare in mind im still in my nursing uniform.. onli dat i chged my smelly shoes... hehe.. i wear slippers...
6:30pm- went to mit nooreen at international plaza... den headed to city hall to mit arin...

n tings goes on til 12mn... went to far east to eat... den went to borders.. read sum books... after dat slack at MCcafe... took pixies along the wae.. niwae nooreen alreadie summarise abt our outing.. so i juz update sum of the pixies... njoy......

my face was sooo damn oily... open pores everywhere... so all the pixies is full of my oily face...
nooreen n arin.. so sorie bout yesterdae.. i was quite moody... so so sorie.. i was so so tired... n wen i kept quiet... i got lots n lots tings running thru my mind... i juz sumtimes try to kip it to myself cuz i wun like to bored u guys wif my endless story of him.. so sorie.. n thnx nooreen 4 undastanding...

ExTrEmE Weight LoSs N gAiN...

EQA!!! KAU DAH GEMOKLA...
NANTI APE ORG PANGGIL KAU MISSY GEMOK!! HAHA...

dats surely not funny mama...
shes been telling me im fat.. fat.. n fat...
n ive been telling myself..
"eqa.. ure obese!!!"
niwaes.. shes not the onli one hu kol me fat...
SYAHIDA... "nurul, u hev put on weight"
AIN(MY LIL SIS).." EKH.. dat time ngan ari.. kurus... bile dh jadi arwah(niwaes he's not dead), DH jadi gemok alek... tk lawala..."

URGHHHHH!!!!
LET ME SHOW U SUM EVIDENCES....

this is me.. about 1 and half yrs ago.. 2006 hari raya...

again.. step jambu.. eventhough im real fat.. u will be surprised if i tell u my wg dat time..
im speechless too.. sooo damn fat!!!plz.. plz tell me.. dats not me!!!

i cnt beleieva im posting thiz pic...tiz iz the first few mths wif him.. still full wif lipids!!!

but den.. after getting to noe this particular ruthless sumone.. i managed to lose WEIGHT... quite alot... almost 9.. alot?? okla.. but i still look fat!!
i managed to control my diet.. wif the help n motivation from him
look at the results...
look at that prominent clavicle!!!
see... no fats.. i mean.. lesser fats...
i look like im bearing the same wg as him.. by the fact,, yeah we was... exactly the same.. onli he's 1 -2 kg heavier den me... hehe
at the zoo wif his niece... i look miraculously fatless in white
dat baju is still baggy.. its not tite fitting...
n i look smaller den my LIL SIS... HAHA...
but now!!!
ive gained wg..
usualie depression would lead to loss of wg.. anorexia or bulimia...
but this things nvr happen to me..
i suffers the other wae round!!!!
i eat n eat n eat..
n those lost fats.. came to me rite away... :,,(look at dat chunky thigh!!see... HUGE TUMMY!!FLABBY ARMS!!!

SOBS SOBS....

NOW.. ITS GONA TAKE 4EVA TO LOSE DAT EXCESS WEIGHT......

oily hair

its been 5 daes since i blog...
ive been bz..
werking.. werking.. n werking..
n by the time i reached...
im so damn lethargic dat the bed kips on kolling me...
haha... wat cn i do...

on fri,...
went to mit wif the lovely gurls...
jln2.. tke pixies...u mite be wandering y i hair look so oily..
its all thnx to baby oil...
haha.. i tot i juz wana moisturise it..
but i guezz i put too much of it..
so tis is wat i get...
oily oily hair!!!

niwae..
ive started my attachment oledi...
in kkh(kandang kerbau)
gona b a long posting...
6 weeks!!!

daa....

life...

fatness!!
dats wat i call myself everytime i stare at dat sumone in the mirror..
every single morning...
how cn i lose dat fat in my body!!
its so freaking irritating...
i hev to carry it everywer i go..
its such a burden in my life..
dose tings kolled fat is soo soo unsightly..
guys wouldnt want to look at dem..
low self esteem.. i would kol dat.... help me sumone!!!

ok..
so long of not blogging...
bz wif family.. exams... werk.. GREY'S ANATOMY.. hikmah3..
n many many more..
life had been so hectic..
actualie im the one making my life so hectic..
u get the picture??
no??!! ayoh...
i wana make myself busy u see..
to get him out of my mind...
get it??!!
dengz...
firstly.. i wana tell u guys...
im examination free!!! yeay!!
no more exam fer me oredi... so much fer studying 3 yrs..
in this pathetic poly...
everybody... lets hev a minute of silence...
to pray fer....
MY EXAMS!!! make me pass wif flying colours... ok??

hmm..
oh ya i almost 4get..
my mum was admitted last 2 daes..

her chest hurts...

but medicallie.. after all the checking..
shes fine..
alhamdulilah...
and.. last week..
i had a family chalet..
which i dun tink i wanna elaborate much...
tired...
so tired...
but i'll post sum pixies...

i tink im done...
im tired.. actualie i wana continue viewing hikmah3...
nice.. everyone shld watch it!!
as fer me.. im still sad..
but ok.. i'll live wif it..
taking cr...;)

CHRONICLES...

this gonna be a long long entry... bare wif me...


sememangnya yang indah hanya sementara.. akankn satukan smua memori indah antara kau dan aku..
lantas menanamkn ia dlm hidupku hingga ke akhir hayat...

4th march.. supposedly to b the heppiest dae 4 me n him..
its his bdae and ive been planning to be dat special sumone dats gona be by his side on dat particular dae...
but its turns out the other wae round.. im juz dat sumone..
whom he never even notice...
actualie.. i wanted to make him a vcd.. dat had those love songs (which would remind him about our "LOVE LIFE"), our pixies and werds dat came straight from my heart...
let me show u, the outline or easy said.. here how the story goes...(its written in malay btw)


inilah kisah dua insan yang bertemu dari dua dunia yang berbeza...

sebuah perkenalan yang tercetus dri seorang teman

aku melafazkn kata cinta yang terpendam di dlm hati walaupun ku takut persahabatan kita akan luput..

tanpa kusedari, persahabatan kita kian erat.. rasa syg di hati kian mendalam..
seringkali ku bertanya benarkah cintamu ini.. lantas jawapan yang kau beri..


"syg tk ckp eqa, syg tunjuk..."
syg.. tk usah dikata..
syg tk perlu buktikan.. syg jika kau merasa..
syg diriku seadanya...

masihkah engkau ingat lagu yg kau karangi buat ku???
Lagu dicipta
sewaktu kau terluka
sewaktu ku terleka
dirimu ku persia

bkn niatku menyakiti hatimu
ku biar kau menunggu
beri harapan palsu
katamu...

shafiqah maafkn aku..
shafiqah sgala dosaku
sygi aku seadanya aku
shafiqah maafkn aku..

sabarlah syg..
dgn sikapku
mmg salah menduga hatimu
sabarla syg..
sabarla sygku..
aku kn pasti menjadi milikmu

berjanji padaku
andai ku jadi milikmu
jgn kau tinggalkn ku
saat ku memerlukn cintamu

berjanji padamu
andai kau jadi milikku
tkkn ku tinggalknmu
saat kau memerlukan cintaku...

acapkali ku ingin menarik diri..
namun ungkapan manis darimu,
meyakini cintaku...
entah mengapa, kau hindari dariku secara tiba2..
baru ku sedari, ku hanya bertepuk sebelah tgn..
yg kau cintai bknnya aku..
tapi si dia...
pabila ku tahu cintamu hanya utk dirinya...
ku cuba menjauhkn diri..
runtuh harapanku selama ini..
hancur luluh impian suciku..
airmata kini menjadi sahabat setiaku...
sayangnya, ku tetap menyintaimu..
tk dpt ku menerima kenyataan...
sekali lagi, insan yg lemah ini tewas mendgr kata2 manismu..
yg menambat hati...
ku kembali bersamamu disisi..
sepertinya bersama selamanya...
namun anggapan ku selama ini slalah... kau sudah berpunya..
semakin hari.. semakin jauh...
seperti mega di langit..
kau tk dpt ku gapai...
kini...
aku pasrah....
*the end*

but i nvr get it done.. ask me y!!!
cuz of the damn comp..
i tried to do it 4-5 times already... and it hang everytime im halfway done...
nooreen told me, maybe god gev me a sign..
a sign dat me n him would never be togeder eva again...
a sign dat i had to realie move on wif life...

INTEMPERATE...
dats how i describe my love fer him..
he simply hypnotise me wif wateva love potions he had...
i was caught and trap by his swit werds n now i regrat realie realie regret getting so close to him..
at first i tot i was over him, but i guezz im undergoing "relapsed"..
i juz cnt overlook reminiscence of yesterdae...
words juz couldt describe how devastated i felt wen he decided to leave me hanging on my own...
i felt like a rag torn into million pieces and fed to the wind...
i spent hours in front of the mirror scrutinising myself and asking "is my face too plain or m i too fat??" i lost all my self esteem..
or maybe i suffering from anxiety disorder(increase of awareness and worry)
Jannah told me "i tink ure suffering from bipolar disorder.. haha"(a mixed of depression n mania(very energetic, very excited))
i tend to talk alot abt him...

LUCKY ME..
i nvr suffered from self destruction(actualie i tot of slitting my wrist, but haven got a sharp knife.. haha..)..
if not.. i'll be resting in peace....

but i managed to console myself each n every single dae..
i told myself, he is not the one fer me..
sumtymes no matter how much we love sumone,
they juz couldn't love u in the same wae bek..
i told myself..
i cn live my life wifout him...
y muz i cry this precious tears for such a ruthless guy...

Positive thinking!!! i might say it werks sumtimes..
thinking i might find sumone way much better than he is...
eventualie makes me smile a lil..( we lie to ourselves abt the truth, cuz the truth freaking hurts!)
n endless advice from frens makes me smile a lil more..
im smiling... (so tiz iz the truth abt the truth.. it hurts.. so we lie)
thnkiu...


p/s: wats impt is dat we cn nvr stop believing dat we cn hev a new beginning..
but it is also impt 2 rememba dat amid all the hurtings of relationship are few tings r realie worth holding on.. memories....
life is lived forward but alwaes understood bekwards...


i guezz i hev to chge the name of this blog.. haha.. its all abt dat ruthless him..;)

tiring dae

firstly i wana thank this gorgeous lady..( i dun hev dat gorgeous lady pixies.. so i put my pix.. hehe)
fer dat realie "knock sum senses" email 2 daes ago...
it makes me realise "oh this is life"...
i tot by juz waiting... everything will be back to normal again...
delusional thinking i guezz.. itz been wif me all along...
but her werds makes me realise.. ders no use waiting fer sumone hu dun even appreaciate u...

she said- Think abt it babe, would u be hapi if he comes back to u but yet he doesn't have any feelings for u??

i guezz dat true.. i wouldnt want dat to happen...
i wun be hepi.. in fact i'll be devastated noeing sumone dat u love
cums bek to u juz bcoz of sympathy...

she said- Each time the memories keeps coming back, just try yr best to stop it from coming again
Its not easy babe, trust me its not.
Its not easy living yr every day knowing tat u lost the person tat u love.

yeap.. its totalie not easy to stop it from cuming..
cuz its alwaes been in my mind all the time..
all i did.. was cry n cry n cry wen dat heppens...
which is so worthless to do uh..

i believe in fate too..
wateva that happens in life...
theres alwaes a reason behind it...
maybe hes not meant fer me..
maybe god had a much much better guy fer me in the future..
we nvr noe until dat dae cums..
n wen the dae arrived.. i wil realie thnk god.. fer making my life fill wif
flowers n butterflies..

she said- Till one fine day, i told myself, nobody can help me stand tall again.
Only i can help myself.

thats totalie true..
nobody n i mean noone cn help us to stand tall but ourselves..
wat frens could do is advice..
n the decision is still in our hands..

n seriusly thnkiu so much fer that motivational advice u gev...
at least u undastan..
this is life.. cycle of life..
people get hurt everydae..
n all u hev to do is hev faith n strength to go thru that hurtful event dat is for sure a
part of life...
god wants the best for us..
if hes nvr meant fer me.. he will never be..

niwae yesterdae was such a tiring dae fer me..
in the morning.. i had to go to kak su's hse to be a kendarat..
her sis's wed..
the three stooges had to wear tudung.. yeap TUDUNG!!
so here cum the three of us wif tudung to the wed which is simply uncomfortable fer us..
we kept complaining.. but to make it simple.. we too had fun..
spending time togeder.. laughing.. craking lame jokes.. im gonna mish dose time..
we're not gonna be togeder animore cuz ders no more skool...
we all gona hev our carreer life..
but i hope nth will chge in our frenship dat we build togeder 3 years bek...

and in the evening.. met my lovely nooreen and arin..
to hev a surprise bdae party fer nasha's fiancee, fir...
it was so swit of them making surprises fer him..
i hope it would a part of his swit memories n cherish every single moment he had...
actualie i envy them.. there're look so swit togeder.. here r sum of the pixies...

Farewell Party

its been 3 years since i joined nanyang polytechnic... n i cnt believe dat juz now was the last dae of skool.. so much of swit n bad memories made der... wateva memories.. it will alwaes be in my heart.. dose frens i made.. i cherish every single hepi moments we had... gonna mish poly life so much... no more presentations.. no more lectures.. no more tutorials... its gona be NO MORE POLY...

n juz now.. we had a farewell party fer our grp.. NR0432.. organised by my kecohrable kak suhaila, sharon n jeya... n they appointed the three stooges(dats wat they kol us) syahida, jannah n me.. to decorate the class n organised sum games.. after much discussing.. sya n me decided to hev this "certificate" dat cn be memorable fer us... eg; the most handsome guy in nr0432... n the class get to vote for hu shld get dat tittle... haha.. i noe its kinda crappy... hey its fun.. plus so much memorable... here r sum of the pixies...

n guezz wat.. i won sumting.. haha.. the most fashionable in class.. me fashionable?? my goodness.. n syahida.. the most beautiful in class... sorie jannah.. i guezz if ders a voting on hus the sweetest gurl in class.. for sure im gonna vote 4 u.. haha.. but wateva it is.. both of ya.. sya n jan.. u've had been such a great n wonderful friend to me.. all those funny, sad, hepi moments we had for the whole of three years.. will alwaes be remembered.. n i realie hope dat we gonna be frens 4eva... ;)

reBoUNd LoVe

REBOUND LOVE... whats dat?? after u had been thru a heart break.. easy said.. rejection...
u hev this new relationship.. but its juz a relationship to hev a new guy in ur life..
to make u 4get dat guy hu hurt u... which iz totalie selfish of urself.. cuz u never noe
u gona love him or dump him at the end of the dae... hes juz a replacement 4 the time being..
to heal ur broken heart.. to occupy ur loneliness.. n guezz wat.. dat happens to me too...

u noe rite dat ruthless guy hu left me?? yeap hes nower to be found anymore... n
i met this guy... hu came into my life at the rite time.. aft my heart had been
shattered into millions n millions of pieces... after few daes of miting n chatting on fone..
he told me.. he fell for me.. dat fast!! i dun believe him.. but still i went into a relationship
wif him.. yeah.. believe it or not... i dun even like him.. wats more love him..
wana noe y i accept him?? cuz i tot hes gona make me 4get dat ruthless guy... make my life hepi
again... make me hev a suweet suweet smile on my face again... to think back.. im quite bad rite..
to play ard wif his heart cuz i dun even hev feelings fer him.. n im juz trying out my luck..

n.. this happens.. after 2 months of us in this so called relationship.. i dun even like him!1
he dun exists in my heart... i tried so hard pushing him into my heart... but it juz wun fit..
metaphoricallie(if dat werd exist).. dat ruthless guy is still inside.. the whole him..
urghhh!! i hate this.. but im gona tell this.. i still love dat RUTHLESS him... so much... much much much.
n tis new guy.. i dun noe wat to do wif him.. he loves me so much.. n all my frens knew bout it..
they told me to try.. but hey.. love cnt be forced... if u cnt love dat person.. u cnt
force urself.. love cums naturallie.. even wifout trying hard.. it will surely cum..
n im trying too hard.. but still ders no outcum.. i dun even close my eyes wen i kish him..
i juz hate heving the fact that hes gona replaced my ruthless guy place in my heart..

i dun wana hurt him.. neither do i want to lie to myself... i hate myself...:,,(

misery doesnt love any kind of company, it luvs only miserable company

i look at u n cn clearly see.. our life of love start slipping from me... try as might to hold on to the past ur love seems to b slipping away at last my heart reaches out but hw cn i win?? the odds r too great wen u fail to bend the fear in my heart now calls the love of a fren, the fear in my heart matches the tears in my eyes, the rules hev now chged, its my turn to cry.. but i'll nvr leave u til u let me go i'll stay 4 u, tis much u must noe i c u chge rite b4 my eyes, the fear in my heart cnt say any goodbyes...