CHRONICLES...

this gonna be a long long entry... bare wif me...


sememangnya yang indah hanya sementara.. akankn satukan smua memori indah antara kau dan aku..
lantas menanamkn ia dlm hidupku hingga ke akhir hayat...

4th march.. supposedly to b the heppiest dae 4 me n him..
its his bdae and ive been planning to be dat special sumone dats gona be by his side on dat particular dae...
but its turns out the other wae round.. im juz dat sumone..
whom he never even notice...
actualie.. i wanted to make him a vcd.. dat had those love songs (which would remind him about our "LOVE LIFE"), our pixies and werds dat came straight from my heart...
let me show u, the outline or easy said.. here how the story goes...(its written in malay btw)


inilah kisah dua insan yang bertemu dari dua dunia yang berbeza...

sebuah perkenalan yang tercetus dri seorang teman

aku melafazkn kata cinta yang terpendam di dlm hati walaupun ku takut persahabatan kita akan luput..

tanpa kusedari, persahabatan kita kian erat.. rasa syg di hati kian mendalam..
seringkali ku bertanya benarkah cintamu ini.. lantas jawapan yang kau beri..


"syg tk ckp eqa, syg tunjuk..."
syg.. tk usah dikata..
syg tk perlu buktikan.. syg jika kau merasa..
syg diriku seadanya...

masihkah engkau ingat lagu yg kau karangi buat ku???
Lagu dicipta
sewaktu kau terluka
sewaktu ku terleka
dirimu ku persia

bkn niatku menyakiti hatimu
ku biar kau menunggu
beri harapan palsu
katamu...

shafiqah maafkn aku..
shafiqah sgala dosaku
sygi aku seadanya aku
shafiqah maafkn aku..

sabarlah syg..
dgn sikapku
mmg salah menduga hatimu
sabarla syg..
sabarla sygku..
aku kn pasti menjadi milikmu

berjanji padaku
andai ku jadi milikmu
jgn kau tinggalkn ku
saat ku memerlukn cintamu

berjanji padamu
andai kau jadi milikku
tkkn ku tinggalknmu
saat kau memerlukan cintaku...

acapkali ku ingin menarik diri..
namun ungkapan manis darimu,
meyakini cintaku...
entah mengapa, kau hindari dariku secara tiba2..
baru ku sedari, ku hanya bertepuk sebelah tgn..
yg kau cintai bknnya aku..
tapi si dia...
pabila ku tahu cintamu hanya utk dirinya...
ku cuba menjauhkn diri..
runtuh harapanku selama ini..
hancur luluh impian suciku..
airmata kini menjadi sahabat setiaku...
sayangnya, ku tetap menyintaimu..
tk dpt ku menerima kenyataan...
sekali lagi, insan yg lemah ini tewas mendgr kata2 manismu..
yg menambat hati...
ku kembali bersamamu disisi..
sepertinya bersama selamanya...
namun anggapan ku selama ini slalah... kau sudah berpunya..
semakin hari.. semakin jauh...
seperti mega di langit..
kau tk dpt ku gapai...
kini...
aku pasrah....
*the end*

but i nvr get it done.. ask me y!!!
cuz of the damn comp..
i tried to do it 4-5 times already... and it hang everytime im halfway done...
nooreen told me, maybe god gev me a sign..
a sign dat me n him would never be togeder eva again...
a sign dat i had to realie move on wif life...

INTEMPERATE...
dats how i describe my love fer him..
he simply hypnotise me wif wateva love potions he had...
i was caught and trap by his swit werds n now i regrat realie realie regret getting so close to him..
at first i tot i was over him, but i guezz im undergoing "relapsed"..
i juz cnt overlook reminiscence of yesterdae...
words juz couldt describe how devastated i felt wen he decided to leave me hanging on my own...
i felt like a rag torn into million pieces and fed to the wind...
i spent hours in front of the mirror scrutinising myself and asking "is my face too plain or m i too fat??" i lost all my self esteem..
or maybe i suffering from anxiety disorder(increase of awareness and worry)
Jannah told me "i tink ure suffering from bipolar disorder.. haha"(a mixed of depression n mania(very energetic, very excited))
i tend to talk alot abt him...

LUCKY ME..
i nvr suffered from self destruction(actualie i tot of slitting my wrist, but haven got a sharp knife.. haha..)..
if not.. i'll be resting in peace....

but i managed to console myself each n every single dae..
i told myself, he is not the one fer me..
sumtymes no matter how much we love sumone,
they juz couldn't love u in the same wae bek..
i told myself..
i cn live my life wifout him...
y muz i cry this precious tears for such a ruthless guy...

Positive thinking!!! i might say it werks sumtimes..
thinking i might find sumone way much better than he is...
eventualie makes me smile a lil..( we lie to ourselves abt the truth, cuz the truth freaking hurts!)
n endless advice from frens makes me smile a lil more..
im smiling... (so tiz iz the truth abt the truth.. it hurts.. so we lie)
thnkiu...


p/s: wats impt is dat we cn nvr stop believing dat we cn hev a new beginning..
but it is also impt 2 rememba dat amid all the hurtings of relationship are few tings r realie worth holding on.. memories....
life is lived forward but alwaes understood bekwards...


i guezz i hev to chge the name of this blog.. haha.. its all abt dat ruthless him..;)